The weaker I am... The stronger He becomes...



As I was flicking through old notes and trying to decide what to keep I found a scrawled piece of paper that I’d spilled my heart out onto in a moment of frustration and exhaustion and it went something like this…

 “My heart feels fearful, I feel incredibly out of control and in need of rest, I just want to step back and watch somebody else who is actually good at this whole thing… I feel incredibly incapable of my position, my heart feels flat… I feel I’ve got nothing to offer this ministry…”
While this isn’t the most positive note to start on- it’s the journey that has happened over the past few months that I want to share with you- not simply to make you feel sorry for me!


I wrote this after a particularly tough week near the beginning of term 4. I’d been having issues with neck due to being stressed and sitting hunched over a computer and it was making sleep difficult. Then on top of that I got a cold, I had too many assignments and all the activities I normally manage to juggle, felt like they were slipping out of control. I even had to take a week off ministry due to being sick (first sicky I’ve had to pull this year) I was drained and tired and was really struggling to keep up... and that’s when the gold started to come through. A friend of mine covered my ministry role and we got to see the young leaders who serve with us step and there were the most kids I’ve seen at our program yet.


Two days before my first exam I had a really short lived but painful stomach bug which made study a little tricky and I already pretty fragile from neck/cold issues and exam stress so it wasn’t great but I was thankful to be able to take both exams and still go to work. Later that week these same kids church leaders completely stepped up again and led a family service with our morning congregation. After nearly a year of leading with these guys I am SO SO SO thankful for how far they have come and how much God has done through this ministry.


I am now nearing the end of my two week break before I start my summer units… I’ve had a lot of sleep and had some fun being creative… I’ve painted, written a song or two, done some sewing and all sorts of things that make my heart happy. It’s been a blessing to be less stressed for a couple of weeks and I’m ALMOST looking forward to my summer units (emphasis on the almost).

So while it’s been a HECTIC semester and an intense month- I’m THANKFUL God got me through it and gave me incredible, beautiful people around me to support me once again! The people that give me hugs, smile, put up with my zombie like, half asleep state and gave me opportunities to serve and try new things, even when I doubted myself... Despite a tough stressful semester… I’ve been BLESSED... God is good!!

"When I fix my eyes on all that you are,
Then every doubt I feel deep in my heart, 
Grows strangely dim...
All my worries fade and fall to ground, 
Cause when I seek your face and don't look around,
Any place I'm in, 
Grows strangely dim"
(Francesca Battistelli)

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