A less resilient heart...

Often the new year brings change. Change isn't always a bad thing, but when that change includes people moving far away, making it hard to stay a part of their lives, I'm not a fan.

These last few nights I've been kept awake by the mere thought that some of the people in my life whom I REALLY value- might not be there for long. I've moved around, I know people rarely stay in the same place forever. I know there are other places that could be SO so blessed by their beautiful hearts... But at the same time I'm selfish and I'll miss them intensely. People try and convince me that I'll still be loved by the ones that remain... that's probably true. But when you have friends who give you the space to be honest and accept you for who you are and not what you do- this is priceless and can be a rare thing these days...

It's as if their leaving is inevitable... And it will be an exciting opportunity for them to bless others. It's as if I'm sliding down a hill and that moment will come all too fast. I want to dig in my heels and hit pause and enjoy the moment's we are in now! But I know that's selfish.

I am THANKFUL things have stayed similar for as long as they have. Yes, I'll admit- I've been worried they would change and the people I love would be ripped away from me countless times- but for almost two years- there has been some kind of consistency and for that at least I'm thankful.
I'm THANKFUL that I've been given such good friends that I would be this gutted at the thought of them moving on- but that doesn't make the thought of saying goodbye any easier.

People say I'm being a drama queen (sometimes that's true) But sometimes I don't think they realize how much saying goodbye can hurt even if you knew it was coming!

So for now, I'll pray and continue to surrender this enormously fragile part of my heart back to God as it's a weight only HE can carry. It's far to great for me to carry alone.

Then when that fateful day comes- and I must say goodbye- I'll be sad but I'll remember that He will always love me and He will never leave me.   
 

"I feel my hearts less resilient,
Not much I can take,
It isn't stuck that way,
I felt the earth shake.

I come beg for more time,
Try glue up the cracks,
There will still be cracks,
And cracks cause collapse.

Oh it can't stay the same,
My worlds taught me that much,
But I might still be loved,
Shouldn't that be enough?

Oh I know that You love me,
What are You teaching me?
That I'll still be loved,
By You that's enough,
Yes I'll still be loved,
By You that's enough"

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