Returning home- An overwhelmed heart

Last year I traveled to Indonesia to visit a church that our church here in Sydney has a partnership with. From the moment I got there I felt loved, welcomed and like I was a part of their family. I felt like this was a place that the desires God has put on my heart could come to life and I was deeply sad when I had to leave and return to Australia for I was leaving another home.

If you've read my blog before, you may know that often I have to leave communities, places, homes be it due to moving country, school, uni, churches and that over the last few years I've had to say goodbye to and pull my heart out of communities and know that most likely I'll never see them again. 

But this year... For the first time I can remember... I got to return. I got to be reunited with a group of people who had totally captured my heart. I was so nervous and excited I didn't know what to think. As we drove down the winding roads and were greeted by many of the people I'd missed so desperately, I'll admit I became a little overwhelmed. I'd waited so desperately to come back to this place and now I was here, it was just as beautiful and incredible as I remembered. As we watched beautiful children graduate to the next level of their program, I caught the sparkly eyes of my sponsor child (who last year was initially so shy she could hardly look at me) as she came across the room, sat right next to me and told me excitedly about everything that had happened since I'd been there last. With my limited Indonesian I understood bits of what she was saying and I was helped by our beautiful, soft hearted translator =)

Then, with the help of two incredible leaders from the church began the journey of going to the homes of all our families sponsor kids. I was BLESSED to see how they'd grown both physically and in confidence and their love for Christ. I am so so thankful for all the leaders who have invested into these families. I was so hard to leave them behind last year. But God kept them safe and words can hardly express how thankful I am. After finishing the day listening to a choir practice (which was AMAZING!!) I headed back to where we were staying. My head was spinning- it was all so beautiful and so good! How was I ever going to manage to leave this community at the end of our trip and this was only day one!?

Throughout the week I was continually blessed by examples of just how much the leaders of the kids, youth and church love the people who are in their care and how they so beautifully and genuinely share Jesus with them.

I said before, reunion for me is a pretty huge deal- so here's a few stories of how God beautifully put people I'd met last year in my path. There was a cheeky, sparkly eyed boy in the mums and babies program last year whom I'd connected with as we'd played finger rhymes and listened to stories about the hungry caterpillar. As I was helping with the older kids program this same child (now part of the other program) recognized me and it was so exciting to see how he'd grown from last year! I'd been incredibly touched by one of the mothers we'd been privileged to visit last year who'd told us how her only hope was in God. To see this woman again standing beautiful and tall with so much more life and joy in her this year pretty much brought me to tears (again!). A leader whose a bit older than me that I'd be blessed to lead alongside last year and become friends with wasn't around for some of our trip but I was SO excited to see her when she came and be blessed to hang out with here on the remaining days of our trip- she is so beautiful and I'm so thankful we got to meet again!! I was excited to see all the music projects my friends have been telling me about and to be reminded of how talented they all are! To see the people whom I'd kept in contact with over facebook all year, to see that they do exist, to be able to talk to them more as their English is SO good, to be able to share more deeply and pray with each other- You all have the most incredibly hearts. The list is endless- God filled my heart with joy in so many ways this week!

However, I was surprised and frustrated when I became stressed at things that I normally take in my stride, when peoples opinions of me squished my spirit and made it hard for me to do the things I love with my everything I so desperately wanted to give. It was in times like these that I was thankful to our friends who continually led us back to God's word and His truth and encouraged me to seek God's kingdom before ANYTHING else and not to worry about the future and what others think because He. Is. In. Control! If anything that week God reminded me of how much He loves me and that He knows just how to make my heart deeply deeply happy. He also showed me how things don't work when I selfishly try and take matters into my own hands. I must continue to trust Him and Him alone.  I don't think I've ever cried so much in one week and for so many different reasons!. I cried cause I was proud of how far people had come, because I was thankful for all the people who'd invested into the lives of those I love, because I again felt loved like I was a part of  their family, because they do ministry so beautifully, because I was frustrated I didn't have more time to spend with them, when I had to say goodbye to those whom I love... again...

BUT- This week I've been inspired for the ministries I help with, challenged to continually seek God's wisdom when things get confusing and messy, learned that I serve a God I can give my WHOLE heart to- not just the parts I'm satisfied with, for He loves me as I am. I've been beautifully reminded that His opinion of me is the only important one and the incredible freedom that comes as I seek God's strength to fully embrace a life where His truth defines me. I've been excited by how much joy God has given me both in Manado and since coming back and I'm excited to find out the plans He has for me.

For once in a very long time- I got to return, even for just a short beautiful moment. I can only pray that God will allow our paths to cross again... For I miss you all so so so much and I once again feel like I left part of my heart with you all... You're always in my thoughts and prayers- You are so beautiful....

My heart was overwhelmed, 

And had waited so desperate

For the time when I'd return home,

As I say goodbye,

And we part again,

But I leave you in safe hands...