BRAVE...

It's taken me about 3 weeks to actually write this post- I kept changing things... But it's finally written ;)... 

I was beginning to think this year would, in many ways, be a repeat of last year. The only difference being I'd be more ready for the struggles and more excited about the joys... However, these first few weeks have shown me this is anything but the case! =)

I'm still at uni, still working with kids, still traveling to Indonesia, still living at home... But this years different! Why? Read on.

If you've ever invested much heart in a ministry or project you'll know that it's constantly at the back of your mind and new ideas and excitement are never far away. Recently I've been really excited about the possibility of having new kids come to our ministry and learn more about God and His love for them. I've also been thinking about how much we need to rely on God for this ministry to happen and the need to have a vision SO great that only God can fill it. As I prayed into this I thought of how exciting it would be if we got even one new kid this week. We did get one new kid... and another 5! It was such a blessing! And an awesome reminder that this ministry is in God's hands and not my own. Two of those kids came to church through a link from an outreach ministry and I was BLESSED to have a conversation with a 4 year old about how we can talk to God any time we want to and he hears us. Love it when God reminds us just how much he can do and busts through our expectations. 

I've been so blessed lately by people. People who have taken the time to chat to me about things that could impact my ministry before they do it, been willing to pray with me (even when I was a bit nervous about it), who have taken the time to call me and let me know about stuff that was going to change because they knew how important it was to me, who have been willing to sit with and chat with me, openly and honestly about where I'm at- It has been beautiful!!  Sadly I sometimes slip into thinking that people only put up with me cause I have to, that I'm the charity case. But when people go above and beyond like this I feel SO blessed and SO thankful that God has given me such AMAZING people in my life =)

There's this INCREDIBLE book all about vulnerability and how the courage to be vulnerable can open us up to deeper more meaningful relationships, even it it's scary space to sit in, the results are SO worth it. Sometimes I can get a bit stressed if things are too uncertain... too unpredictable-  BUT this book has challenged me so much and makes me want to live a different kind of life- one where I choose to be vulnerable... Over the last 4 weeks I've been blessed (or challenged) with the opportunity to do something that makes me feel vulnerable. Whether it be trying something new or simply daring to sit with people who are upset or struggling or given the opportunity to share with others. To be able to journey WITH people and to be BLESSED enough to be let in has been beautiful and I'm so thankful for their openness and honesty!

It also talked about something called joy foreboding. This is when you're blessed with a really good, beautiful situation... But you're so scared that it will be taken away from you that you shy away from it and never really, freely experience it for how beautiful it is. It explained that to be genuinely joyful- can be an act of vulnerability. As you let yourself love and enjoy the situation you've been placed in you're also risking the fact that it won't last forever. This has been something I've struggled with ever since the first time I had to leave a community I loved almost ten years ago. As the new year starts up and people start on new adventures, the fear of the people I love not being in my life any more begins to settle in... That uneasy, vulnerable feeling. But I must stay faithful and remember I'll be loved still- even once those I hold so closely too are gone- it will just be different.

Why is this post called BRAVE...?

For her birthday a beautiful friend of mine from uni asked us to share about something brave we'd done. So I thought about what would be my act of bravery that I could share with her... I thought about practical things that I would count as BRAVE.. Things that took courage and would put me out of my comfort zone... What was at the heart of this list? A willingness and courage to embrace those spaces in which we feel vulnerable.

So this is my brave- I'm going to allow myself to DREAM BIG and dare to be vulnerable and have the courage to journey more with those who are hurting AND to allow myself to be GENUINELY joyful. It may not sound like much... But it's a step out of the all too familiar chains that have held me back for too long.

This song has been on my heart for a while now =) So I'll end with this... Take Heart... He has overcome!

So take heart,

Let His love lead us through the night

Hold on to hope

And take courage again

 All our troubles
And all our tears
God our hope
He has overcome
 
All our failure
And all our fear
God our love
He has overcome

All our heartache
And all our pain
God our healer
He has overcome
 
All our burdens
And all our shame
God our freedom
He has overcome

(Hillsong)